I have no idea what to write about in this post. There are so many feelings and thoughts i have that I can’t focus on just one. This week was emotionally rough. I’m still unemployed despite me spearheading applications and interviews and I found out I’m allergic to gluten and sensitive to corn. My mom tells me that these things (jobs) take time but I don’t get it.
Rejection, it leaves a sting of abandonment and hits home for me. This, so far failed attempt at employment, is subconsciously bringing up fears of future rejection and disappointment. Fears that maybe I haven’t been hearing God all this time and maybe my whole life is going in the wrong direction. Maybe I’m committed to thoughts, ideas and people and I shouldn’t be, maybe I should be off in some cold, land locked state studying to be a business CEO. Maybe I’m wrong about everything.
God, knowing my frame, predicted my fears and sent me to His word. While cleaning the house I heard His ever so gentle but distinct call. Being the stubborn person I am I said, no I’m busy. And being the persistent God He is, He urged me to go read, telling me it would be worth it. So I reluctantly dragged myself and my bible to my bed and sat down for a look. I opened up where I left off, in Habakkuk of all places. I had never read it before so I thought it was time I did. I begin to read and suddenly I realize why He wanted me to so badly read this. This was for me. Directly for me. Speaking directly to a very specific topic that has been heavily weighing on my heart.
“For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.